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I'm sort of happy to report that I didn't smoke much there. It's no fun without a partner, and Becka didn't come back with me this time. The only reason I brought it back was for Luke, and I didn't use with him. I used on the ride back home, but that's only because it's hard driving through four states by yourself without falling asleep. I could have made the whole trip in one shot, but that would have looked suspicious. I don't crave it like I used to, anyway. I don't crave anything, except maybe sleep.
Oh, and I finally had sex again. First time in two years. Someone new. But more on that later.
Lately, I've been texting more often with a girl I met on Red Bracelet Project (if you haven't been there, check it out). She's my age, height, about ten pounds lighter, and miraculously, a mother of an infant, but aside from that minor difference, we have similar behaviours. She's really motivational. Her name is Adrienne.
I care less now about my life than I think I ever have before. When I said goodbye to my parents before driving the 20 hours back here, I really meant for it to be the last time. I can't think two days into the future, let alone three months or a year or five years. I just can't see anything. I'm officially committed to starving now, more than ever.
