Zen

I practiced meditating this morning - or what I think of as meditating. Just focused on my breathing for about fifteen minutes, trying to make myself as calm and relaxed and totally empty as possible. It worked for a little while; it really did. Of course, it was while I was watching the actor's commentary for Resident Evil 2, which is just so funny that I couldn't focus on being upset anyway. Liam said something that pissed me off, which was valid. Just a comment on how whenever he asks me how or what I'm doing, the first five things out of my mouth have something to do with food or exercise. I got unnecessarily upset that he pointed it out. I'm upset that I got upset. I realize how this is just perpetuating the cycle of upset-ness, so I'm determined to make a conscious effort to be more accepting of life, or more zen, or something. Whatever that means. The point is, it's no fun being so stressed and upset and worried and angry all the time, so I'm going to try and change it, and hopefully add a few years to my life.

And get read of all the the cloyingly awful fat that won't drop off my abdomen. It's stress/sugar weight. I'm working on it.

136.8 pounds this morning. The lowest I've been. I can feel 135 inching closer and closer. I figure the less stressed I am, the better at time management I get, and the calmer I am, the faster it'll happen and the better I'll feel when it actually does.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm doing my best to relax, and I'm doing my best, I really am. Just bear with me.